Love more

Sometimes I love looking back on the week that was and re-playing the week to see if I could do better in any area for the coming week.

This past week, especially the the end of the work week taught me something big. To love. To always say you love someone if you feel it and make sure people know how much they mean to you.

via

My mom had her every 6th month mammogram two weeks a go and 12 hours before her appointment to talk about said mammogram results, got a call saying she needed to get an ultrasound done and not to come in for appointment the next day. 

She went to get the ultrasound done and asked why. Did they see something? I can't imagine having someone say to you, "yes, they saw some masses."Masses?!

So for almost 48 hours my family seriously thought the evil evil cancer had come back and emotions were high. I broke down at work and was so scared. 

Thankfully, our family doctor confirmed that everything came back negative. No sign of cancer in her body. Thank you, God. Turns out she has some scar tissue built up. 

We hugged. We cried. We talked about what happened. But most importantly those 48 hours of being so scared she'd have to fight cancer again taught me to say those important words more often. That I need to verbally tell my parents I love them more (instead of just showing them.) Life is short, guys. 

Everything can change.

Cancer sucks. 

If this week has taught me anything, it's that we need to tell the ones we love that we love them and that our life is short and not guaranteed. 

Yesterday we lost Maria, a very close family friend to liver/bone and breast cancer. Her fourth time fighting cancer and it took her. 19 years of worrying about cancer and wondering if and when it would come back. 

Maria-you were my Aunt throughout life and when I worked with you. You treated me with kindness and love because that was filled in your heart. You were truly loved and will be missed. I can't wait to see you. 

Inked.

Yes, yes it's true. I put on my big girl panties and got some ink done this past weekend. 

For while I'v been kicking around pinning some ideas for a tattoo. I find tats so beautiful (well some) and really really wanted to do a pink breast cancer ribbon for my mom. Something classy, sweet and small. Decided on my side of my wrist, something different. 

Truthfully, I'm surprised I didn't cancel the appointment because I felt sick to my stomach all day thinking about the pain. And the pain? Felt like a cat scratch that lasted a bit longer than a millisecond. Nothing to to bad. 

She's healing up nicely and I can't wait to see it all healed! 

And yes, momma Hannon cried. 

See ya, 2013.

End of the year post and reviews are my favourite posts to read. They never get old and I lurve looking back on everyone's year and remembering when such and such happened. 

For me and my family, 2013 was much better than 2012. I hope it continues that way. 

In January, my mom started radiation for her breast cancer. We were glad Chemo was over but nervous what radiation would do. Alex and I celebrated 6 months of dating. It's amazing-we thought we had our relationship at that time down pat, and really knew each other---growing is good. 

February, with it being cold was tough. This is when my Grandpa Hannon's health went down hill. Just couldn't kick a bacterial infection and he was in and out of the hospital for a good 3 months. Add in thinking he was going to go, the second month of 2013 wasn't good to us.  I also ran my 2nd half marathon in 2:07! 

In March, I turned 21 which felt great. And the weather turned nice--finally! I hit another running rut (again) (they happen) 

April was amazing--month of vacations  Karen and I went to Punta Cana for a week and Alex and I went away to Niagara Falls on our first trip away together. And I finished my 2nd year of school. 2 down 2 together. 

The year of weddings started in May, my brother childhood best friend and his girlfriend of 6 years got married. That was sweet. After looking at vacation pictures I got depressed with how I let my body and weight get.  I also got into golf during May---thanks to Alex. 

In June-we thought we were going to lose Grandpa Hannon. I was called home from school to say my good bye's, thankfully he made it and hasn't been in the hospital since. In the middle of the month, cancer had been around for a year. To make June happier, I did Colour Me Rad run (everyone should do it!) 

Best part of July was celebrating 1 year with Alex! 

August taught me life lessons about true friendships. I realized who was true and who is fake around me and people who bring toxins into my life. 

Summer was over and 3rd year started in September. It was also the time I shared my own fears about my mom heading back to work and the cancer.  Best part-Karen got engaged! 

October was a fun month, pumpkin patches and a 1:57 half marathon and joining the YMCA.

November was stressful! School was no joke and I felt that I had way to much on my hands/on the go. 

Lastly, December brought food changes as I joined the Paleo diet and started cooking more healthy meals.

I can't wait for 2014. So excited for things that are coming up and things we don't know about at this moment. 

Run for the Cure

Sunday, in honour of Breast Cancer month, my family ran or walked the CIBC Run For the Cure. It was truly amazing to be surrounded by thousands of people whose lives have been directly affected by cancer. 

I wanted to hug everyone, especially those will freshly shaved heads from chemo, for both running that day and to encourage them. Which I hope Sunday did-keeps them fighting. 

In the end, the Hannon's (aka Team We are the Breast) raised close to $1200 that'll go towards finding a cure so hopefully one day our children won't know what breast cancer is. 

We will so be back next month to raise even more!

Cancer Fears

I don't talk a lot about my mom's breast cancer on here. It's strange. I should, to maybe help someone who comes across my blog and maybe help them not feel alone. Especially for the children of parents who cancer. Because as much as cancer effects the person who has it, this disease effects in so many ways the family members too. 

Last week my mom went back to work (teaching) after being off for 11 months for treatments and to recover. 

It was so awesome to have her home everyday. Not just for meals being cooked but she was so relaxed and calm which is what she needed. 

But now, she's back working full time while trying to take care of herself (meaning working out, crafting etc) and the stress level in the house in back where it was before she got sick. 

I'm huge believer that cancer happens because the body is at dis-ease about something. I truly believe from my mom's case that cancer happen to remind our family to not sweat the small stuff. That eating someones chicken is not the end of the world. I know that cancer happen to give us another chance to become closer as a family. And the past 11+ months it did. My family talked more, said I love you more. Hugged and changed our priorities. 

But now things are changing, and I'm scared. The stress levels are back up, the arguments about the tiny things are beginning again. This is not what she needs. 

I've broken down in the past days because I am so afraid that the cancer will come back at some point. 

I hate cancer with everything I have and cannot see another loved one go through that again. Or anyone in that sense. 

I've been doing so much praying in the past days. To keep my mom healthy and for my dad and I to do the best we can around the house. Please, pray too. 

A year of cancer.

I know this is going to sound so utterly cheesy but a year a go today, my families life changed forever.

This hour a year a go my mom and dad were in the doctors office waiting to hear if my mom's tumors from her breast were cancerous or not. I was writing my final exam for summer school, trying to circle in each multiple choice answer with tears in my eyes. Crying in class is never good, especially when no one knows what's going on. 

I came home that afternoon and walked pasted my parents who were sitting in the backyard discussing what the news they got earlier. A few minutes later my parents came in the house. My mom looked at me and I thought I saw her smile, so I started smiling thinking she would say, "it's nothing" or 'I'm fine." Instead she started crying in which I did also. Told me it was cancer and explained what the steps were going to be while saying all these doctors terms out that I had no clue what they meant. 

Turns out, she had cancer and would need chemo and lots of radiation to kill it. 4 rounds of chemo that started August 28th 2012, ended November 20th 2012. Radiation was 33 rounds (everyday) and that began December 3rd, 2012 (her birthday) and ended mid January 2013. 

The summer was good, since mom wasn't in treatment, we kind of forgot about it and it wasn't until the last week of August that all of our emotions got the best of us. So much crying and saying things such as "it's not fair," "you're a good person." 

I still say that, my mom is a good person. It's not like she is a child molester. Not that I wish cancer on anyone, not even child molester, because some one loves that person too. 

Watching your mom literally waste away is scary and terrifying. Seeing her shave her hair off was very tough. For someone who never leaves the house without her hair done and have it fall out was sad. But honestly, she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen without hair. She rocked it. 

I would sleep over at Alex's monday night and come home Tuesday for class and the week after her chemo was bad. I would find her in bed crying and telling me all the things that I had gone wrong on Monday's when I class all day and seeing Alex. Seeing my mom ball her eyes out after her third round of chemo was so scary. My mom has always been the tough one and to hear her say 'I don't want to go through this," was heart-wrenching. Good thing she only had 1 more round. 

Radiation was a breeze. She had no side effects, except for getting sleepy most afternoons, but after a nap or a rest watching soap opera's she was good. 

She still has days where she gets waves of nausea or get's tired. But it's nothing to to bad. 

Her follows up's are great, has to get mammogram's every 6 months for the next 10 years. Her first one that was done in April came back clear and good! Hope it stays that way. 

As of right now, she will be returning to work in September. Our family doctor, after seeing her break down in his office many times said she wasn't ready and need the summer to be ready. And that's fine with me. 

I still struggle, cry when talking or thinking about it. And question why my mom had cancer. But I'm content knowing that cancer doesn't pick its victims, everyone-no matter what age, gender, etc can get it. Some, are more likely, aka smoking. And I know I'll be asking God when I meet him. Not "why her, God." But how does one develop it. 

I love you, Mom!

Can't imagine

I had a wonderful but an oh, so tiring day at placement today.

One of those days where I was always on my feet, reading stories or cleaning...which I don't mind because my placement this semester is amazing.

It was one of those days where I realized for the millionth time how lucky I am for having a wonderful boyfriend.

I had an job interview for a higher qualification/pay raise thru the city, still lifeguarding...and I passed! Totally on cloud nine. Lots of studying paid off!

I was excited to light a fall candle from bath and body, grab my ice cold corona and curl up watching grey's anatomy tonight, a little "you made it to thursday!" celebration.

After getting home at 6pm, I logged onto facebook and there my entire good day was ruined.

Seeing a post from a girl who I've gone to school with since kindergarten saying that cancer had taken her dad just crushed me. Yes, for the obvious reasons, at 20 her daddy is gone but because of effing cancer. CANCER! Cancer like my mom is being treated for now.

I have peace that my mom isn't going to die tomorrow, or a year from now from cancer but it is always in my back of my mind. Always.

It is times like these, where I find out cancer has taken a loved one from someone I know, that I hug my family closer, say I love you more.

Side note: We are halfway done chemo. 3rd one is next Tuesday (9th). Radiation starts mid november for 33 days straight. Keep praying!

*Thinking of the Pogue family tonight. 

if cancer was a person I would be in jail for killing it already...

I feel like my whole world is focused on this cancer and therefore that's all I post. But to be fair, this is my "everyday" blog and right now? Cancer is here and we're dealing with it everyday. So there is that.

I try not to let it run my life. I will still go out and enjoy the short time that I have left with my friends before they go back to school. But sometimes, I want to have a chill evening with the "roomies" aka mom and dad and visit. Nothing wrong with that *clears throat*

~

I hate cancer. I hate cancer because right now my mom is calling company's that make wigs because she'll most likely be hairless in 3 weeks.

I try and stay positive and happy around my mom but it is hard.

I still get angry, at God, which hurts when I say that.

But I know he is looking after ma dukes and giving her strength everyday and keeping his arm around her.

I ask that you prayer warriors keep my mom in your prayers. If you don't pray...those positive thoughts work wonders too!

Cancer sucks part 2

Whenever I plan to blog about my mom's breast cancer I legit sit at my lap top and stare at the screen. How is one supposed to start a blog post about the most scariest thing ever?

Mom had her surgery June 29th 2012 and everything went great. In and out in 30 minutes. No surprises waiting and her surgeon was happy of how it went.

Then we waited, for almost 3 weeks we waited, prayed and waited some more for the results and on Thursday, they came.

The cancer was stage 2, grade 3.

Yes, chemo and radiation are in my moms future. Which sucks. We were hoping to avoid chemo all together and just wanted to do a few rounds of radiation.

So, on Aug 28th 2012, my mom will begin 4 treatments of chemo, done every 3 weeks and radiation in February 2013.

I asked my mom why she needed so much chemo and it's because seems the cancer  is a "grade 3" that is classified as an "aggressive" cancer, so the chemo and radiation will hopefully kill off any residual left overs. 


As much as this sucks, I am so happy my parents get to go to on vacation to Myrtle Beach, SC on the Aug 11th to relax before treatments start. 


For all those prayer warriors out there, please please please keep my family in your prayers. Keep praying for my mom and all the doctors and nurses who will be looking after my amazing mother. 

A week in

I can't believe this time last week we found out the worst news ever.

It's been a week of so many emotions. The anger that this is happening to my mom, the frustration because I feel no body understands what I'm going through, the fear that this could be something much worse or god forbid, something could happen to my mom.

Yes, I've questioned a few times why my mom has cancer and not someone else. But that isn't right, no one, even the rapist in jail deserves cancer because someone loves them too.

Today and yesterday have been really good days. I haven't completely sobbed, the type with mascara running down your face and the snot...oh the snot. I don't cry when someone asks me how we are doing or if we need anything. I think this is good.

I guess in a way I've come to accept this. That she has this. Though, I don't want to accept this.

Yesterday my parents met with the surgeon. Mom liked him, which is good. Always good to feel comfortable with the person who will be working on you.

She has her surgery on June 29 and we'll have to wait about 3 weeks to know what treatments she'll have to go through.

For all those who have commented/emailed/tweeted asking how everything is, thank you. Words cannot describe how much that means. Love yo' faces.

Please keep praying!

Never thought I would write this post.

(writing this thursday, dinnertime) 

If you read my post from yesterday, I'm sure you got a little taste that something isn't right with me. Or my family.

if that was your guess, then 100 points for you!

I am actually dreading writing this post but I need to write. I have so many feelings going thru my mind that I need to get out.  I know there are people who will read this and could maybe help.

I never thought I would write this post or say these words but it seems God has thrown the Hannon family a curve ball.

My mom, my beautiful 54 year old mother, has breast cancer. 
that killed me to type that. 


As I've been slowly texting and calling friends since yesterday it never gets easier to say "my mom has a horrible disease."

Where to begin?

Well, I guess the start. About a month a go my mom found a lump while getting dressed and after telling my dad/ my gramma, she called to make an appointment with our family doctor. She went in about three days later, he looked around and scheduled her for a biopsy for the next week. At this point, only my dad and gramma knew as my mom didn't want to make a fuss about something we don't know anything 100% about.  I only knew because I am the #1 eavesdropped out there and she didn't want me finding out from eavesdropping.

She told me two days before her biopsy that she was taking the day off work and why. I was calm, not freaking out because we weren't going to get upset when we didn't even know if the "thing" was cancerous or not.  

My dad goes with her and they go in for surgery, take a little bit of the growth off for testing. To see what this actually is.

That was last tuesday (June 5th). She gets home within an hour, rests and goes back to work the next day.

Our doctor said he would call in two weeks with results.

And on wednesday, the doctors office called and asked if she could come in for the next day (thursday, yesterday.)

Wednesday was bad. She kept saying "I have a feeling..." in which I would tell her to stop and whatever it is, we'll deal with it when it comes.

Mom said she couldn't sleep last night and just knew in the bottom of her heart it was cancer.

So, yesterday my dad and mom go to the doctors for 9:30am and I head off to class for my final exam. I wanted to call around 10am during my exam to find out but to be honest, I too knew something was wrong.

I came home around 11:45am and she confirmed it. She has cancer.  We stood in the doorway for about 10 minutes just crying and hugging each other. There is something about this hallway that is always the spot for people to cry and hug.

Thursday afternoon was such a blur. The phones calls, the emails from my ex-boss, family stopping by.

The emotions I have experienced in a few short hours is overwhelming. I'm sad because this is happening, I'm angry and want to blame someone for doing this to my family, TO MY MOM! I've wanted to punch things. I've wanted to just lie down and sleep and wake up and go back to when we weren't the family whos mom has cancer.

Aside from those emotions, the love and support I have felt from my friends and family brings me to tears. Having friends say that they are here for me, to call them anytime means the world. Hearing that my uncle cried when my gramma told him warms my heart.

The amount of "i love yous" that have been said in 6 hours is amazing.

The next step is for my mom to meet with the surgeon next wednesday to go over what will be done during the surgery, if she'll stay overnight etc.

Then in late June she'll have the surgery to hopefully remove this ugly thing.

if you are the praying type, I ask, from the bottom of my heart for you to pray for my mom Sharon, my dad,  as this is killing him to see his wife of 30 years go thru this, myself and my brother Ryan. Love your faces!