Friday, June 15, 2012

Never thought I would write this post.

(writing this thursday, dinnertime) 

If you read my post from yesterday, I'm sure you got a little taste that something isn't right with me. Or my family.

if that was your guess, then 100 points for you!

I am actually dreading writing this post but I need to write. I have so many feelings going thru my mind that I need to get out.  I know there are people who will read this and could maybe help.

I never thought I would write this post or say these words but it seems God has thrown the Hannon family a curve ball.

My mom, my beautiful 54 year old mother, has breast cancer. 
that killed me to type that. 

As I've been slowly texting and calling friends since yesterday it never gets easier to say "my mom has a horrible disease."

Where to begin?

Well, I guess the start. About a month a go my mom found a lump while getting dressed and after telling my dad/ my gramma, she called to make an appointment with our family doctor. She went in about three days later, he looked around and scheduled her for a biopsy for the next week. At this point, only my dad and gramma knew as my mom didn't want to make a fuss about something we don't know anything 100% about.  I only knew because I am the #1 eavesdropped out there and she didn't want me finding out from eavesdropping.

She told me two days before her biopsy that she was taking the day off work and why. I was calm, not freaking out because we weren't going to get upset when we didn't even know if the "thing" was cancerous or not.  

My dad goes with her and they go in for surgery, take a little bit of the growth off for testing. To see what this actually is.

That was last tuesday (June 5th). She gets home within an hour, rests and goes back to work the next day.

Our doctor said he would call in two weeks with results.

And on wednesday, the doctors office called and asked if she could come in for the next day (thursday, yesterday.)

Wednesday was bad. She kept saying "I have a feeling..." in which I would tell her to stop and whatever it is, we'll deal with it when it comes.

Mom said she couldn't sleep last night and just knew in the bottom of her heart it was cancer.

So, yesterday my dad and mom go to the doctors for 9:30am and I head off to class for my final exam. I wanted to call around 10am during my exam to find out but to be honest, I too knew something was wrong.

I came home around 11:45am and she confirmed it. She has cancer.  We stood in the doorway for about 10 minutes just crying and hugging each other. There is something about this hallway that is always the spot for people to cry and hug.

Thursday afternoon was such a blur. The phones calls, the emails from my ex-boss, family stopping by.

The emotions I have experienced in a few short hours is overwhelming. I'm sad because this is happening, I'm angry and want to blame someone for doing this to my family, TO MY MOM! I've wanted to punch things. I've wanted to just lie down and sleep and wake up and go back to when we weren't the family whos mom has cancer.

Aside from those emotions, the love and support I have felt from my friends and family brings me to tears. Having friends say that they are here for me, to call them anytime means the world. Hearing that my uncle cried when my gramma told him warms my heart.

The amount of "i love yous" that have been said in 6 hours is amazing.

The next step is for my mom to meet with the surgeon next wednesday to go over what will be done during the surgery, if she'll stay overnight etc.

Then in late June she'll have the surgery to hopefully remove this ugly thing.

if you are the praying type, I ask, from the bottom of my heart for you to pray for my mom Sharon, my dad,  as this is killing him to see his wife of 30 years go thru this, myself and my brother Ryan. Love your faces!


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