I'm going to say it now, this post is not a fun one. It's more for me to vent. It's times like these where I truly believe blogging is a free form of therapy.
It's April, meaning this is the month that university students come home for the summer. Including my "friends." I have this one friend "N" who came home monday. She and I got really close this summer, only becuase she and her bff M had multiple falling outs. To this day I do believe that the only reason we became close was because she wasn't with her "BFF" all.the.time.
N went away to university this year and I didn't. In early october N clearly told me that she's in university and I can't be telling her my "highschool" drama all the time. WTH?! That should have been clue number one. When she said that, I stood up for myself (which N doesn't like) and she and I didn't talk for close to a month. No skype, no calls, no texts. Z.E.R.O. She needed "space." (Frankly I don't think "friends" need space. Ever. Karen my BFF and I have ever needed space.) But Space is how N deals with her problems. Just doesn't talk about them. So 3.5 weeks later she texted me out of the blue, acting as if nothing had happened. I did tell her that I was hurt. Her response? Be my friend or don't be, I don't care. Clue number two.
Did I mention that this all happened after I spent the weekend with her? I guess not.
N is also the type of friend who bugs me about going to church. Just making fun, poking fun is more like it. N is also the type of person you can't stand up to easily. "Are those your church shoes?" (what are church shoes?) "Well I doubt you can come out tonight, you have church in the morning." (Since when do you tell me what I can and can not do?)
I understand that not all people believe in God or go to church.I get that. But it gives you NO RIGHT to make fun or judge me because of that.
So fast forward to this week. N came home monday night. Wednesday we decided to exchange cards since our birthdays passed. N texted me asking if I wanted to go walk her dog. No harm in that, I thought, so I replied "sure!" She was about half an hour late, which was fine because I just home from a run and needed a shower. She pulls up and doesn't get out. I asked if she was coming in. "No. we're going to go walk Tucker." Turns out she wanted to drive 15 mins away to a dog park. Okay fine. Now it's 1:45, Karen was supposed to come over at 2. I texted Karen and told her that we had to push back our plans, she was okay with that. I told N that Karen and I had plans at 2 but that we've pushed it back to 2:45. "I should have just left you at home" she said to me. Ouch. Since I didn't want to make a scene or ruin the "nice time" I didn't say anything. We left and got home before 2:45. All was good.
On Thursday (yesterday) was the second round of my play. I found out some very exciting news before we started rehearsing. News that could change my life. (For the good) I can't say anything right this second becuase a) I don't want to jinx it and b) I don't want this fall through and have to explain what happened. When the time is right I will tell the blog world.
I called my mom to tell her. Texted my friend M, who is a major in drama. Texted Karen and texted N. I told them three that I have news but I can't tell over text becuase it's BIG! M and Karen texted back right away being so overly happy and wanting to know more. N was not that excitied, so I told them that I would facebook message M/N and I would call Karen. I got home around 1 and went on fb to send the messages. I made it straight to the point and sent it. M texted me back within mintues being so happy and a little jealous. Nothing from N. Karen was happy as ever! A couple of hours later N texted me saying (word for word: You could have texted me that...and cool) That's it! No explanation marks. Nothing. I wrote back "hahaha that is all I have to say." Really I wanted to say "you losly friend. When you have this oppunity to try out for a pro hockey team, I'll remember this." But being the good Christain I am, I didn't.
How can someone be so rude. She knew when she typed it that it wasn't overly happy. And the thing with texts is it's hard to read emotions so ya you have to use more happy faces or (these things:!!!!!)
To say I'm hurt is an understatement. Over the past 8 months I've many times, I'm done with N. I hate to give up on this "friendship", if you want to call it that. But sometimes you realize that there are people in this world who want to tare you down. Not uplift you.
This kinda helped.
*N, if you're reading this, which I doubt you are, this is my blog and I can't write anything I want, including how I feel about this situation. You know what I have written is true. I would never lie here. Or anywhere. I honestly don't know why I can't stand up to you, why I can't pull the plug on this friendship where I'm treated horrible. I don't know why.
I HOPE YOUR FRIDAY IS BETTER THAN MINE.