Friday, June 14, 2013

A year of cancer.

I know this is going to sound so utterly cheesy but a year a go today, my families life changed forever.

This hour a year a go my mom and dad were in the doctors office waiting to hear if my mom's tumors from her breast were cancerous or not. I was writing my final exam for summer school, trying to circle in each multiple choice answer with tears in my eyes. Crying in class is never good, especially when no one knows what's going on. 

I came home that afternoon and walked pasted my parents who were sitting in the backyard discussing what the news they got earlier. A few minutes later my parents came in the house. My mom looked at me and I thought I saw her smile, so I started smiling thinking she would say, "it's nothing" or 'I'm fine." Instead she started crying in which I did also. Told me it was cancer and explained what the steps were going to be while saying all these doctors terms out that I had no clue what they meant. 

Turns out, she had cancer and would need chemo and lots of radiation to kill it. 4 rounds of chemo that started August 28th 2012, ended November 20th 2012. Radiation was 33 rounds (everyday) and that began December 3rd, 2012 (her birthday) and ended mid January 2013. 

The summer was good, since mom wasn't in treatment, we kind of forgot about it and it wasn't until the last week of August that all of our emotions got the best of us. So much crying and saying things such as "it's not fair," "you're a good person." 

I still say that, my mom is a good person. It's not like she is a child molester. Not that I wish cancer on anyone, not even child molester, because some one loves that person too. 

Watching your mom literally waste away is scary and terrifying. Seeing her shave her hair off was very tough. For someone who never leaves the house without her hair done and have it fall out was sad. But honestly, she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen without hair. She rocked it. 

I would sleep over at Alex's monday night and come home Tuesday for class and the week after her chemo was bad. I would find her in bed crying and telling me all the things that I had gone wrong on Monday's when I class all day and seeing Alex. Seeing my mom ball her eyes out after her third round of chemo was so scary. My mom has always been the tough one and to hear her say 'I don't want to go through this," was heart-wrenching. Good thing she only had 1 more round. 

Radiation was a breeze. She had no side effects, except for getting sleepy most afternoons, but after a nap or a rest watching soap opera's she was good. 

She still has days where she gets waves of nausea or get's tired. But it's nothing to to bad. 

Her follows up's are great, has to get mammogram's every 6 months for the next 10 years. Her first one that was done in April came back clear and good! Hope it stays that way. 

As of right now, she will be returning to work in September. Our family doctor, after seeing her break down in his office many times said she wasn't ready and need the summer to be ready. And that's fine with me. 

I still struggle, cry when talking or thinking about it. And question why my mom had cancer. But I'm content knowing that cancer doesn't pick its victims, everyone-no matter what age, gender, etc can get it. Some, are more likely, aka smoking. And I know I'll be asking God when I meet him. Not "why her, God." But how does one develop it. 

I love you, Mom!

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